How to Start the Adoption Process

Honesty Corner

Adoption is a very sensitive and complex topic.

Before I jump into the process of adoption, I want to say that I see and understand the feelings you might be feeling. No matter what brought you to the decision to try to grow your family through adoption it’s a big decision and not one to be taken lightly.

Adoption is a whirlwind of emotions, tears, and waiting. But in our opinion very highly rewarding. Holding my sweet little boy’s hand is a wonderful reminder of how rewarding adoption can be, even with the hard moments (and there are definitely hard moments).

“Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it”

In this post I will be going over how to start the adoption process. Each step can be different for every family, but there is a general process that I can hopefully help you understand. Adoption can be long, so be prepared to wait. Going through it myself a couple of years ago I know firsthand just how hard and long it can be, but if you stick with it it can be so worthwhile.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (ESV)

Types of Adoption

There are a few main types of Adoption. Before you start the adoption process you need to take some time to consider which type you want to pursue. The main types are Foster to Adopt, International Adoption, and Domestic Adoption. None of these methods of Adoption are right or wrong, but they are also very different. You need to decide what feels right for your family and make sure you are working with ethical and morally right people no matter what you decide. Personally, we chose Domestic Adoption because it was what felt right for our family. My husband and I felt called to adopt a newborn, which is what is normal when you choose domestic adoption.

Once you have taken the time to research and carefully choose the type of adoption that fits your family the next step is to look at the difference between an Open Adoption, a Semi-Open Adoption, and a Closed Adoption.

Foster to Adopt 

Foster to Adopt is exactly what it sounds like, becoming foster parents with the intention to possibly adopt. The key word here is possible. The main goal in foster care is to reunite a child with their parent, which in a perfect world is always preferable. Unfortunately, we live in an imperfect world, which is where fostering to adopt comes into play. No matter what, becoming Foster parents is a very noble and loving thing to do if you have it in your heart to do it.

International Adoption

Again, International Adoption is what it sounds like, adopting internationally. A lot of people who adopt internationally have a certain country that has been laid on their hearts. This method of adoption could potentially be the longest wait and also the most expensive. But as I said before, every adoption story is unique.

Domestic Adoption

The final adoption method is Domestic Adoption, which is adopting within the United States. Within Domestic Adoption is actually two more ways you can go. You can work with an agency or you can work with a consultant.

When you choose to work with an agency you usually are looking to adopt within your state and agencies work directly with the birth mothers.

When you choose to work with a consultant you expand beyond just your state and include most of the United States.  A consultant works with multiple agencies and attorneys across all different states and should never actually work directly with mothers. Because a consultant can work with many different agencies across the United States their wait times can potentially be shorter.

Either way, I would encourage you to do your due diligence and be sure those you choose to work with are ethical professionals and have ethical policies. Again, adoption is a sensitive subject and needs to be fully thought through.

Closed Adoption

Closed Adoption is literally closed. There is zero contact with the birth mom or family. There is no information given to the adoptive family on the child’s birth family and after finalization of adoption, the child’s records are sealed.

Semi-Open Adoption

Semi-Open Adoption is when there is minimal contact between the adoptive family and the birth family. The potential birth mother and potential adoptive parents will have contact and most likely meet before the birth. After placement, there is sometimes a mediator (normally the agency) to maintain contact with the families.

Open Adoption

Open Adoption is when there is open communication between the birth family and the adoptive family. Each family handles open adoption differently. It could mean letters, pictures, phone calls, video calls, and/or visits. There will be an agreement before placement between the two families to decide what open adoption will mean to them and they will work to agree on what type of communication is right for their own situations.

Simple Action Steps for How to Start the Adoption Process

Step 1: Choose Type

Choose the type of adoption you want to pursue. Do you want to Foster to Adopt, Adopt Internationally, or consider Domestic Adoption? Closed, Semi-Open, or Open Adoption? The Choice is yours. Take time to really pray and reflect on it.  It is a huge decision!

Step 2: Research

Do your research on the agency, attorney, or consultant. Choose wisely who you work with. In the world of adoption, there are good people to work with, but there are also not good people to work with. Take the time to do your due diligence and research the adoption professional you want to work with. 

Personally, my husband and I started with a deep dive into every adoption professional within our chosen adoption type we could possibly find. We narrowed it down to about 5 just on our gut feeling alone. Finally, we narrowed the 5 to 3 after doing intense research on Google and through any and all reviews we could find.

Once you narrow it down to 4-2 adoption professionals schedule a phone call or video call depending on their policies. Do not underestimate how much you can learn about someone by just talking to them. You are also able to ask more specific questions that you have.

Here are a few questions I would recommend asking:

  • How much are your typical adoption costs?
  • How long are your typical wait times?
  • If a consultant. How do you choose who you work with?
  • What is your process once you are chosen as potential adoptive parents?
  • What are their stats? The number of placed families and the number of disrupted adoptions?
  • Do you help with Profile books and/or Home Study?

Step 3: Funding

Start funding your adoption costs. Save money, apply for grants, and/or start a fundraiser. Unfortunately, adoption can be quite expensive, so start saving and thinking of ways to fund your adoption as soon as possible.

Step 4: Home Study

Start your Home Study. A Home Study sounds intimidating but it’s really just utilizing professionals to ensure your home is a safe place for a child. This is a big and timely process! I have an entire post dedicated to this topic and I can’t wait to share with you how my husband and I prepped our own home. Make sure you subscribe to the blog so you do not miss it!

Step 5: Profile Book

While working on your Home Study, start your Profile Book. A Profile Book is what pregnant mothers will be looking at to help them choose potential adoptive parents. So it is very important to try and make it look good and show your personality through it. This is one of the most important decisions she could ever make, so make sure to make your profile book as true to you as possible; make it real.

To make a profile book you can choose to go a few different ways. If you have experience in graphic design and/or writing you can make it on your own. There are also profile templates on Etsy you can buy to help start the process. Some people specialize in making profile books you can work with to help you create one (This is the option we chose to do. Making a profile was highly overwhelming for me, so it was well worth the money for someone to help me).

Your agency or consultant will be there for you as well for help and resources when creating your profile book.

Step 6: Prepare Educationly

Start preparing for your adoption journey! Start reading books and listening to podcasts to help you learn and prepare to be adoptive parents. There are many good resources available to help prepare you to be adoptive parents.

Here is a list of books that I recommend to read while you wait.

These are the books that I read while in our wait and I continue to read more. Adoptive parenting, just like any parenting, is a continuous learning process. Your Home Study provider will also most likely have books for you to read as well.

Step 7: Waiting

Wait and know your why. Adoption can be a long wait, not remembering why you chose to start the adoption process will make the wait seem even longer and you may even lose hope and want to give up.

Take it from me, the wait is absolutely worth it!

Remember that timing is everything. If you are truly called to adopt your time will come and the wait will be worth all the endless, dreaded days, every tear shed, every hurt felt, and every moment of hopelessness. The wait is well worth it!

Keep Following Along

Each of these steps of how you start the Adoption Process can be quite complex. My goal today was to break down each step and give you a general idea of what the Adoption Process looks like. Hopefully, it didn’t scare you away! Adoption has completely changed our lives and we would not trade a single moment of heartache for the joy we have now! 

If you choose to follow along, I plan to in the future go into more detail about each step of how to start the Adoption Process and our own adoption story. I would love to have you join me as we make the journey together!

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